Chapter 9-Couples in Recovery Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope as couples that they may solve their common problems and help bring harmony to relationships in recovery from addiction and substance abuse. Here is their guide charting the health of your relationship. T:How 7 Couples Live for Better or Worse

THE SICK RELATIONSHIP

1. We lived as enemies and were constantly at war.

2. We lived in fear, trying to control our relationship.

3. We tried to fix our partner or expected our partner to fix us.

4. We tore down or denied our partner.

5. We had to have the last word.

6. We held our partner or our circumstances responsible for our happiness or unhappiness.

7. We swung between high arrogance and low self-esteem. T: The Sugar Monkey

8. We couldn’t allow our differences to exist.

9. We were unwilling to give our partner and relationship a chance.

10. We communicated, if at all, in indirect and negative ways.

11. We lost our perspective and lived in despair.

12. We were unable to live in the present, and crippled our relationship with projections about the future or anger about the past.

THE RECOVERING RELATIONSHIP

1.     We learn that we are allies.

2.     We rely on a Higher Power and have faith.

3.     We learn to express our feelings without expectations. We learn that our partner does not have to fix us.

4.     We learn to affirm our partner.

5.     We learn to listen, to hear what is really being said.

6.     We keep the focus on ourselves.

7.     We learn humility.

8.     We sometimes agree to disagree.

9.     We learn to be patient and trust the process.

10.  We learn to communicate with trust, openness, and love.

11.  We regain our sense of humor.

12.  We commit ourselves to our relationship one day at a time.

From Chapter 9-Couples in Recovery Anonymous “The Basics” Pamphlet

www.chapter9couplesinrecoveryanonymous.org

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