Take a look at an interesting article by Steve Hauptman, LCSW,  who is a Gestaltist and leader of interactive therapy groups and coauthor — with his “inner monkey,” Bert — of the blog “Monkeytraps: A blog about control” (http://monkeytraps.com).

The article is in the recent edition of our paper, it’s called, “Have Yourself A Healthy Power Trip;” when you stop trying to control the world, you gain power.  In a nutshell here are 7 ways to become more powerful:

1. Detach. Let go of what you can’t control anyway. That may be a situation, or a person, or that person’s behavior. If it’s a person you love, you can detach with love, as they say in Al-Anon. Detaching doesn’t mean you stop caring. It just means you acknowledge your limitations. And when you do that, an enormous relief often follows.

2. Refocus. Start by shifting your focus from outside — people, places and things — to inside — your own needs, thoughts and feelings. Happiness is an inside job, and most of the answers you need are there.

3. Take care of yourself. Stop over controlling yourself, and learn to listen to your body instead. Hungry? Eat. Tired? Sit. Rest. Maybe take a nap. (Naps are great.) Lonely? Seek out safe people. Angry? Scream (into a pillow, maybe, so you don’t scare the neighbors). Sad? Let yourself cry. It’s how the body naturally relieves tension, and it helps.

4. Educate yourself. You’re not crazy; your pain means something. Your job is to find out what it’s trying to tell you.  After his first Al-Anon meeting one of my clients told me, “It was like a light coming on in a dark room, and suddenly I could see all the furniture I’ve been tripping over.” Hey, why live in the dark if you don’t have to?

5. Get support. No one gets through life alone. Even if you could, why would you want to? Seriously consider checking out a self-help program, like A.A., Al-Anon or Nar-Anon or CODA. You’re probably scared of that first meeting. That’s okay; everyone is. Go anyway. It won’t kill you, and you can’t know beforehand what you’ll hear. A good meeting can save your life and your sanity.

6. Listen to feelings. This is a big one. Living with an addict usually requires hiding your feelings, sometimes even from yourself. But feelings are essential. You need to get them back again. Hang out with people who are trying to reclaim their feelings, and who can keep you company while you’re trying to reclaim yours.

7. Have faith. Develop your spiritual life. No, you don’t need to join a church. You don’t even need to believe in God. You do need to believe in something bigger than you, something you trust even when you don’t understand it. Call it Na-ture. Call it The Force. A.A. and Al-Anon call it Higher Power, but you can call it what you like.